Allie's Marker

Today we picked out Allie's marker. This was a rather difficult task, and I guess that is why it has taken us so long to complete. We had previously met with the memorial place, but we had not been able to commit to a design that we liked. Basically, we were stalling because it seemed so final. Even though we know it is final, most days I think we try to trick our minds into believing that it is all just a bad dream. That is what we want to believe, but since that is not possible we learn to accept reality.

After coming up with many ideas for Allie's marker, we finally agreed on one that we both liked and made an appointment with the memorial place. I still couldn't help feeling that I shouldn't be there, and even on our first visit the person asked, "Is this for a mother or grandmother?" It felt so wrong to reply with, "No, it is for our daughter." Our visit today was very surreal, and there were tons of decisions to be made. We didn't mind because we knew that she deserved the best, and we wanted to make sure that it was perfect for her. The cemetary where she is buried requires flat markers so we had some restrictions, but I think that it is going to turn out really pretty. It will take about 4 to 6 weeks to come in, and I cannot wait to have that for her. I visit her site almost every day, and I find it very comforting. I know it sounds silly, but I like to think that Allie can look down or hear me from Heaven. Therefore, her site is a place where I like to share my thoughts with her and God.